I GIVE UP! I may as well just go and buy a new frigging computer!

There is no available firmware update for the DVD. Firmware and drivers are up to date for both the PCI and MB IDE controllers.

I have replaced the IDE 80 pin cables.

I have tried every possible variation of HDD and DVD arrangement on both the MB IDE channels and PCI IDE controller channels.

I have tried the DVD in all UDMA modes 1-4.

I have benchmarked the HDD and it performs @45MB/sec transfer rate
It is an ATA100 drive on a 133 controller, so should perform better, but the 45MB/sec is significantly higher than the maximum burst rate I was able to acheive on the DVD, which was 9MB/sec.

I have tried different brands of media.

I verify the burned CDs every time and the burner claims they're "good to go."

The images I'm trying to burn are not the problem.

Any other suggestions before I search craigslist for some dynamite?